Unbelievably, 5 birthdays,
we, Kanda's family,
have faced with every ounce of our inter strength, since
she died very suddenly and tragically,
April 13th, 2004.
Kanda was born May 24, 1973
in St. Joseph Hospital,
Joliet, Illinois.
Birthdays since she left us.
l. (5/24/04)
2. (5/24/05)
3. (5/24/06)
4. (5/24/07)
5. (5/24/08)
Her 31st birthday immediately following
her death was absolutely devistating,
not only to me, Kanda's Mom, but our
entire family,
especially since she left us only 5 weeks
prior to her 31st birthday.
Admitting,thinking back to 5/24/04,
I, Kanda's Mom,
can't remember her 31st
birthday, seemingly I was still in denial,
that she was even gone from this earth.
I had drifted somewhere on another planet
for the first couple of
years and sometimes, but not often now,
I still drift away to that far off planet
just disappearing into myself,
longing for a sense of
PEACE,
that which I know I will never find,
I am not who I was before the afternoon
of 4/13/04 and will never again be
that person, half of my heart is buried with my daughter,
My Kanda.
Those of us who have lost a child/children find
our own way as our beloved child's/children's
birthdays seem to come, haunting,
knocking not only at our doors, but also completely
pulling us to our knees.
We have to find our own way
because it be meant that our
way will work
ONLY
for us.
Early Spring,
as Kanda's dad was filling the humming bird
feeders with nector at our home, I began to catch a quick
glimpse of a few beautiful tiny fragile humming
birds checking out the new sweet nector.
Feeling as though Kanda was tapping me
on the shoulder or actually trying to shake me,
this I know she would have done to get my attention,
I realized instantly the gift for
our precious Kanda on her 35th birthday,
this gift to be shared by many who drive
by the cemetery and those
visiting their loved ones, pausing, relaxing
sitting a spell on Kanda's bench blowing
bubbles into the Heavens
as beautiful fragile colorful humming birds
zoom in for a sweet tasty nector treat.
""OUR LORD'S GIFT TO ALL.""
As I snapped pictures of her dad securing
the feeders on the two shepard's hooks at
her grave,
I could visilize the magic of the various
colorful humming birds, tiny as mysterious
fragile fairies, buzzing, zooming, fluttering, they
dipping into the sweetest nector for the first time
and I knew Kanda would say,
""THANK YOU FOR SHARING GOD'S BEAUTY""
WE LOVE YOU, SWEETIE,
OUR
KANDA, OUR DAUGHTER,
SISTER, AUNT, COUSIN, FRIEND,
""MY BEST FRIEND"
Click link below for photo album"
http://www.kandamjacobs.com/apps/photos/album?albumid=6111500